Friday, September 02, 2005

Just a thought

I can’t really remember when the realization hit me. Nor can I remember whether it was a sudden illumination or, on the contrary, whether it was a slow and gradual process. I do, however, know that it has become a certainty.
When I was a child I thought, or more accurately was convinced, that I was special and that thus special things were in store for me in the future. I imagined myself flying around the world saving endangered animals. I pictured myself in the jungle, surrounded by fellow revolutionaries, fighting US troops. I saw myself curing sick African children and being rewarded by their warm thankful smiles.
Similarly, I was convinced that meeting my “twin soul” was simply a matter of time. I was convinced that everyone, no matter how unpleasant or ugly, simply had to wait in order to meet someone whom to love and be loved by unconditionally. Often I daydreamed about finally meeting that special person. I pictured the encounter in detail. I imagined how she would be dressed, the colour of her waving hair, the twinkling light in her eyes. I would recite what I would say, what she would answer. I would sit and try to imagine the wonderful feeling of long awaited peace and acceptance that such a meeting must surely cause.
As I said, I do not remember how exactly I became aware of how ridiculous this concept of fate was. I am not special. You are not necessarily special. And, most importantly, life has nothing special planned for us.

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