Thursday, October 20, 2005

A dangerous game

I have started talking to Cristela again. I have swallowed my pride and dignity and have approached her again. The last few days I have spent hours chatting to her on messenger, loosing myself once again to her spell. I know it might be a big mistake, I understand that I will probably get hurt once again but I cannot stop myself. The thing is that I am totally fascinated. She is like a small localized hurricane, deadly and destructive but beautiful and amazing.
It had been years since I had experienced such strong feelings for a person or, for that matter, for anything. I had locked myself up in my armor of indifference and sarcasm, and had slowly stopped caring about anything. When I talk to Cristela I feel alive. I feel as though my veins are flowing with fire, as though electricity was sparkling off my bare skin.
The way I see it is that the worst that can happen is that she will end up tearing my heart out and smashing it in to a million pieces. I will scream, insult the world and curse my stupidity. The pain will claw at my soul like a million fangs, shredding it to bloody strips. And yet, with time the pain will subside, the anger will loose its edge, the anguish will disappear. On the other hand, if I do nothing, the boredom will make me every day ever more cynical. The grey and useless hours will slowly wear me down and I will find myself frustrated and unhappy with nothing to look forward to.
Furthermore, I believe that deep down she feels something strong for me too. She is scared and weary and maybe even she does not realize it yet but I can see in her eyes that there is something. I see it in the way she looks at me, in the things she says, in the questions she asks. She is like an impenetrable fortress, and I feel like a foolhardy knight madly storming her walls. I am willing to risk pain and torture as long a glitter of hope still basks the dreary battlefield with its golden light. :)

1 Comments:

Blogger Sheila said...

Good luck to you Wonko!!

I do hope you keep us updated on your quest.

10:36 pm  

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